Wednesday, September 24, 2014

From Broken to Grateful

Mon 7:30pm-8:45pm HATHA FLOW
Tues 7:30pm-8:45pm YIN YOGA
Wed 5:30pm-6:45pm SUNSET BEACH YOGA
Sat 7am-8:15am SUNRISE BEACH YOGA
contact fieldsofyoga@gmail.com for bookings and information

The process of aging combined with physical injury - or in my case, a chronic condition - can be both physically and emotionally debilitating. The simple, everyday manoeuvres that we take for granted are forced to become thoughtful, purposeful movements made with great effort and often pain. Simply sitting up in bed, moving the feet to the floor then bringing yourself to a standing position reminds those who suffer from shoulder, back or leg pain that eventually the body reaches its limit -either through an accident or everyday wear and tear- and forces us to slow down, rest and heal.

Over the summer, I faced such an obstacle. I have degenerative disc disease and degenerating joints in my lower back. While I can still practice and teach yoga several times per week, I must always take a little extra care when it comes to everyday activities around the house. I'm also cautious when entering into certain yoga postures that are taxing on the lower back like camel (ustrasana) or even upward dog (Urdhva Mukha Svanasana).

When I left Dubai in mid June, I was feeling great. I had lost a few kilos, my practice was strong and I was very happy to leave the soaring temperatures of Dubai to fly home and spend time with friends and family in the USA . I was also scheduled to teach a donation-based Yin Yoga class in Bisbee, Arizona where the proceeds would benefit my old (small and not well-budgeted) high school. I was on a holiday high!

Two weeks later, I came crashing down from that high after spending several nights on a friend's sofa and a subsequent battle with a heavy garden hose. The strength of my lower spine had reached its limits. It seems that cleaning the outdoor wood decking after vacuuming the house, scrubbing the shower stall and changing linens in our vacation rental all in one day wasn't the best option for that day's list of chores. The combination of those activities plus the couch surfing resulted in a bulging disc and acute inflammation of the SI joints requiring numerous treatments with a massage therapist and chiropractor not to mention the countless doses of anti-inflammatories,  bottles of analgesic gel, an x-ray, MRI and six rounds of physio therapy. What a buzz kill!

During my 6 week recovery time, I was unable to practice yoga, let alone teach. I was forced to walk slowly, ask my husband for help with even the most simple movements and rest...a lot. During my forced hiatus from physical activity I began to question whether I should teach at all. Then those thoughts led to thoughts of whether I should even practice yoga and if I can't practice yoga or jog or ride a bike or lift weights...what physical activity could I possibly do? Who did I think I was changing my career from language teacher to yoga instructor in my forties? Had I lost my God forsaken mind? Now what can I do? (insert background melancholic violin music here).

August approached and I began to receive messages from my yogis back in Dubai. "Julie, when are you coming back?" "I miss Sunrise Beach Yoga," "Looking forward to starting your classes again." The messages were both heart warming and daunting. What would I tell them? I'm sorry but my yoga teaching has come to an end. I'm broken.

I was still recovering when I returned to Dubai and the date by which I was supposed to begin teaching was looming. I was at a loss as to what I would do. I managed to inform my students that I was recovering from an injury and that I would be in touch when I was feeling better. In the meantime, some of my students invited me to meet with them off the mat and over shared meals they helped me to feel valued beyond what I do. They helped me to realize that my self worth is in who I am as a person not in my job description. While my body had been healing for weeks, my inner self had not. That time with these dear students was like an elixir for my soul. One recommended that I go for a swim in the sea where I teach Sunrise Beach Yoga and if I didn't feel well enough to swim, perhaps I could just float. Such a simple and seemingly obvious cure for the blues and for the body but one that had escaped me up until that moment. I was so busy thinking about all the activities that I couldn't do, I neglected to consider what I could do. That very evening, I took her advice. It felt so good that I have followed that advice several times since and each time, I swim a little farther and I feel a little stronger.

Yesterday I turned forty-seven years old.  In the weeks leading up to my birthday, all I could think about were the limitations of my body due to my age. How long will I be able to walk? My back is too weak to run. What will my body be like when I'm sixty? Then I came across this interview of Tao Porchon Lynch who is a 96 year old yoga teacher. Her attitude, energy and vitality are inspiring. Who am I to question what might be in the future? Why should I hold on to past injuries? Watching her interview reminded me not only to focus on the present but to find gratitude in this moment. It doesn't matter that I'm not strong enough to do Firefly pose (tittibhasana) or daring enough to try Kathryn Budig's challenging poses.  There is much more that I can do and I choose to focus on the "cans" rather than the "can'ts."

I am now back to my yoga practice and I feel great. I'm excited about the added swimming regimen and my physio therapist has shown me core strengthening exercises to do to avoid future problems. The new class schedule has been posted and there is a beginner's workshop that starts on October 11th. Jan Maddern and I are teaming up to offer another 1-Day Silent Retreat in Dubai on November 7th so the Fields of Yoga Dubai schedule is bursting with options for all levels.  So whether you feel broken or whole, take this opportunity to focus on gratitude for all that you can do. Join us for a class, a workshop or a retreat. All are welcome. Namaste.